And I am?
by TigerCat
Summary: COMPLETE! BB loses his memory in a fight. Slade wants to recruit him. I suck at summaries.
1. The Hospital

"Unhhh...."  
  
"Hey, I think he's waking up!"  
  
"Friend, are you alright?"  
  
I blinked, and peered up to see who was talking to me. It was some girl with long red hair, and bright green eyes. "Um, do I... know you?"  
  
"Oh come on, Beast Boy. Now isn't the time for one of your pranks. We were all really worried about you." I looked over at the owner of the voice. A guy with spiky black hair and a mask over his eyes. I didn't recognize him either. I stared at him blankly until some huge half man, half machine grabbed my arm. "Yo, BB, come on. Now's not the time for a joke."  
  
"He's not kidding." Someone under a purple or dark blue cloak said in a gravelly monotone. I couldn't really see the person, but I guessed female.  
  
"He is not?" The redhead seemed confused. "Then what has happened to him?"  
  
"I didn't think he could have gotten amnesia - he didn't hit his head on anything." The mask guy again. Maybe I should learn these people's names.  
  
"Not to interrupt, but who are you people?" I asked, struggling to sit up. The others seemed dumbfounded by my question, but the girl with the hood was unfazed. She pulled back her hood and glided over to the side of my bed. "I'm Raven. That is Starfire, Robin and Cyborg. Do you know who you are?"  
  
I thought about it. No name popped into my head, so I shook my head. "He called me Beast Boy. But it doesn't sound familiar."  
  
"Well, good morning! Looks like he's finally awake. How do you feel, young man?" A doctor came in, holding a chart. I suddenly realized that my entire body was sore, and that I was covered in bandages. And I was green. "Am I supposed to be green?"  
  
My question hit Cyborg hard. He sat down... okay, he fell into the chair behind him. "BB doesn't know he's supposed to be green..."  
  
"Ah, I see you have a touch of amnesia."  
  
"A TOUCH? HE DOESN'T REMEMBER WHO HE IS, HE DOESN'T REMEMBER WHO WE ARE, AND HE HASN'T MADE A STUPID, CORNY JOKE SINCE HE WOKE UP!" Cyborg exploded. The doctor cowered behind a wall, then straightened himself out and replied calmly. "No matter how much he has forgotten, the condition is most likely temporary and he will gradually begin remembering things."  
  
"Most likely?" Raven caught the doctor's quick insertion. She and the other three glared at him until he answered.  
  
"There is a chance that the memory loss is permenant, resulting in a total change of personality." The doctor fled while the news sunk in.  
  
"We may lose Beast Boy forever?" Starfire turned to Robin, who nodded. They seemed sad. I guess whoever I was, they liked me. Except Raven. She didn't seem sad... just... there. Maybe she and I hated each other. I really didn't know. So I decided to ask. "Raven? You don't seem terribly upset that ah... Beast Boy might be gone." That name was impossible to remember... and lame. Why would I have such a stupid name?  
  
A vase of flowers exploded in the window. I looked over at it, "What the heck was that?"  
  
Raven averted her eyes, "Maybe I'm a little upset."  
  
I didn't understand. But I decided not to ask. I think she knew I still didn't understand, because she explained. "My powers are emotion-based. When I was startled by your question, I let my control of my emotions slip, and the vase blew up."  
  
Now that made sense. "So I guess I'm some sort of superhero too? Why else would I be green?"  
  
Starfire swallowed thickly. "You are a Teen Titan, like us."  
  
I shrugged. "So what do I do? Talk to animals?"  
  
"You don't even remember your own powers?" That got to Robin. He was obviously the unperturbable leader, but I got to him. I shook my head at him. "Not a clue."  
  
"Something is wrong. Beyond that he is bruised and bandaged and forgetful of us." Starfire frowned, trying to figure out what it was.  
  
"I know what you mean, Star. Something that should be there but isn't." Cyborg said, also thinking about it.  
  
"He's not the same annoying green runt he usually is. He hasn't smiled so much as once." Raven told them. Cyborg snapped his fingers. "That's it! He hasn't smiled!"  
  
"Why do I smile so much?" My question stopped them all. They looked at each other, caught in a question they couldn't answer.  
  
"We presume because you are so happy all the time, and make so many jokes." Starfire finally said.  
  
I yawned. Robin noticed. "Oh, sorry, we shouldn't have bothered you for so long. You need to rest. We'll leave."  
  
"Wait. Could someone stay with me?" I was frightened for some reason. I guess I had the right, since I had no clue who I was. And somehow, I knew that I shouldn't be left alone. The Titans looked at each other - none of them seemed to want to stay. I understood that too. I wasn't their friend, I was just a body that looked like him. Raven volunteered after listening to the other three discuss it quietly for a few minutes. She seemed to be the least disturbed by me - or that might just have been the lack of emotion. I couldn't be certain. I almost laughed at that thought. I couldn't be certain that I was who they said I was, how could I possibly be certain about anything?  
  
Raven sat in the chair next to me, near the door. I looked over at her. "Thanks for staying." I felt like I should have smiled, but I didn't. I didn't want to.  
  
"No one else wanted to." She brushed my words off. That was alright, they were just words. I wasn't really anyone, so what I said didn't matter. I paused. No, I was someone. I am the person that I am, and it wasn't my fault that I wasn't this Beast Boy. I yawned again and fell asleep.  
  
When I woke up, Raven was asleep in the chair beside me. It was dark, so I knew I had slept for awhile. I watched her sleep for a few minutes, just studying her. Trying to bring forward memories that just didn't seem to be there. I gave up and stared at the ceiling. What had happened to me? Had I gotten sick? Had there been a fight?  
  
Raven stirred in her sleep. I looked over at her and realized tears were streaming down her face - she was crying in her sleep. Her chair became outlined in black, and levitated. I wanted to reach out and grab the chair, but I couldn't move. I also thought she might not appreciate my interference. And it might be dangerous to wake her right at the moment. Most importantly though, it wasn't my problem.  
  
After practically memorizing the ceiling pattern, I slowly sat up. Raven had finally drifted back down, and was tossing and turning in her sleep. There was a book on the table beside me - obviously hers. I glanced at the title and flipped it open. After reading a little section in the middle, I turned back to the front and began reading in earnest. Some of the words were a little above my level - whatever my level was, but I toughed it out. I decided I would ask for a dictionary when someone came in - or when Raven woke up.  
  
The sun had been up for an hour or so when I finally finished the book. I set it back down where it had been, just as Raven woke up. She glared at me. "What are you doing to my book, Beast Boy?"  
  
"Just setting it back. It was really good." I answered, wincing at the name.  
  
"You read it?" She seemed surprised.  
  
"Yes. I had trouble with some of the words, but I got through it okay. That reminds me, do you think I could have a dictionary brought in here?"  
  
"I'm sure you can.... YOU read it?"  
  
"I already said yes, what's the big deal?" I was more than a little miffed - it was just a book, after all.  
  
"Beast Boy, you don't normally read anything but comic books."  
  
Oh. No wonder she was shocked. Good thing nothing blew up. I scratched my head, feeling the IVs and things in my arms tugging against me. Yuck. I looked down at my hands, my green hands, and wondered again what my powers were. No one had really answered me. I looked over at Raven, who was brushing dust from her uniform. "Um, Raven?"  
  
She looked at me, hearing the curiousity in my voice. "Yes?"  
  
"No one really told me yesterday... what do I do?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"My powers... Why am I Beast Boy?" Other than the fact that I must look like a total freak.  
  
"You are a shapeshifter. You have the ability to take the form of any animal, from a cat to a T-rex." Same monotone. That would make it hard to tell when I was annoying her.  
  
"Oh." Some good that power is. Sure, great against humans, but decent technology or a super power and I'm easily outmatched.  
  
"Beast Boy? Oh good, you are awake!" Starfire came in, bringing Cyborg and Robin. I HATE being called Beast Boy. That isn't me - I would remember my own abilities if that was me. I couldn't even begin to figure out how to shapeshift.  
  
"So Raven didn't kill you?" Robin asked, smiling slightly. I think they were hoping it was all a bad dream, and that when they came in today I would be the Beast Boy they knew.  
  
"No. I don't suppose one of you has a dictionary with you?"  
  
"What? Raven, did you warp his mind somehow?" Cyborg tapped me on the forehead with one of his big metal fingers. I refrained from hitting him.  
  
The vein in the purple-haired teen's forehead twitched. "No. He read my book, and wants a dictionary now."  
  
"YOU CAN READ?" Cyborg turned to me, his jaw hanging open. I glared at him. "I'm already aware of the fact that I'm not in the habit of reading anything beyond comic books, but guess what? I'm NOT Beast Boy, either. That name means NOTHING to me. I had to ask Raven what my powers were, because I had no clue! I may not be your friend Beast Boy, but that doesn't mean I'm not a valid person too!"  
  
Three sets of jaws were practically touching the floor. Raven looked startled too, but quickly resumed her perfect control. That little burst of rage cost me though, since I was already sort of tired. I pretty much passed out.  
  
"Ah, I see you are awake." A male voice said. I didn't recognize this one. I opened my eyes and looked around. There was no one in the room, but the TV was on. A man's face, partially hidden by shadows, partially by a bronze-colored mask was on the screen. He was looking straight at me.  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"Ah, you have some amnesia. I am sorry. I am Slade, your boss."  
  
"The Teen Titans have a boss?"  
  
"No. But you aren't a true Titan, either. You work for me, Morph." There was no way to tell from his facial expressions if he was lying. I'm not sure he would have facial expressions even without the mask.  
  
I scrunched up my face. "Morph? They said my name was Beast Boy."  
  
"You've been working for me undercover. Ferreting out the secrets of the Titans, to betray them in their very home."  
  
"Oh." I let my expressions sink into the appearence of thought. "I don't remember you, but I guess I can ask a whole lot more questions directly about things for you now, while trying to regain my memory."  
  
"Yes, clever boy." He seemed pleased. The TV cut off, and I looked around again. I had been wrong, there was someone in the room with me. What I had thought was a pile of blankets in the corner turned out to be Raven, in a chair, under a blanket. She seemed to be sleeping, but my ears twitched, and I could hear her heart beating a little faster than normal, an uneven breath. But she could be having a nightmare.  
  
"Raven?" There was no response. I wasn't sure if she had heard the exchange or not, but I decided I would play ignorant on it for now if confronted. I tried again, louder. "Raven?"  
  
She sat up abruptly, and looked around, blinking, until she spotted me. "You're awake. You woke me up to tell me you're awake?"  
  
"Yes. How long have I been out? Not just this time, but before that too."  
  
"This time you were asleep for about a day." She told me, glancing at the clock. "Before..." A trashcan shattered - thankfully it was empty. "Nearly a month."  
  
"A MONTH?" I almost yelled. No wonder I was so sore. "What happened to me? Why did it take so long to recover? What happened that I lost my memory?"  
  
Raven looked away. "I don't think you need to hear that now."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No. Not now. None of us... none of us are entirely sure, but what we do know is painful to remember, and we don't want to quite yet."  
  
"Alright. I suppose that can wait." I glanced over at the table next to me. "A dictionary! Thank you!" I picked it up and started reading. Then I snorted at myself, switched on the lamp beside me, and started over. 


	2. Returned Home

Six weeks passed. My body healed, but my mind remained the same. Every other night, Slade would contact me through the TV and see how I was doing. He seemed to respect me, as me, more than the Titans did. He didn't even pressure me for information either, but I told him what little I found out. He knew all of what I told him anyway.  
The Titans came and visited me everyday, though I was left alone now. Starfire and Robin always came by together - I think Starfire made Robin come with her. Cyborg only came by with the other three. Raven was my most frequent visitor, bringing me thick books to read, while she either read or meditated. We rarely spoke.  
Eventually I was discharged from the hospital. My body was fully recovered, and there was nothing they could do for my memory. Besides, going home might jolt some memories. They threw a party for me when I arrived at the Tower. It was fun, but it all felt forced. I had to be led to my room (Robin did the honors). I was shocked at the wreckage inside.  
Looking around, I spotted piles of clothes, unorganized CDs, stacks of gaming magazines, some stuffed animals, and not a bare spot on the floor. I shook my head and started cleaning up, piling the dirty clothes by the door and putting the clean ones up. I barely left my room for that first week, getting things organized. I found some interesting things, too. Apparently Beast Boy wasn't as stupid as they thought - hidden in his closet were neatly organized novels, obviously read over and over. I also found stacks and stacks of drawings - some were really crappy, but most were quality work. I began to understand things a little better - maybe I truly was Morph, as Slade had said. I was obviously keeping things hidden from my supposed friends. After much searching and cleaning, I found a journal - hidden under a loose floorboard underneath a large chest in the closet. I flipped through it. The last entry was dated a few days before.... before whatever had happened occured.  
Ever wish you could just be yourself? I think I understand how Raven feels, more than she will ever realize. She has to keep her emotions in check all the time, or she could destroy something. Me - I have to keep my intelligence and artistic abilities in check. This group needs a comic relief guy, and I'm the only one who can fill the role. Sure, I have to act like a complete idiot sometimes, and pretend I don't understand things, but they need me like this. So I'll keep going on, hiding my serious side under stacks of clothes, and channeling my creativity into drawings done late at night, when they think I'm sleeping. Not that I don't enjoy the video games and comic books... I wouldn't be able to deal with it at all if they weren't in my personality too. Oh well, BB out.  
I nodded slowly, understanding seeping into my half-numb brain. I flipped through other entries. There was no mention of Slade, or Morph. And these entires went way back, before I - he... joined the Titans. Slade had been trying to trick me, as I'd thought. Well, two could play at that game, and I was just the one to play. But first, I needed to confirm a suspicion. I took out a blank piece of paper and a pencil, and focused on the image on the cover of one of the magazines, and began sketching. An hour later, I had a near perfect replica of the cover. Things made perfect sense now, and I knew why I hadn't regained my memories. I was Beast Boy, but I was the repressed side. The part of him that needed to come out. While his perky, bouncy, happy side healed, I had emerged, my one chance to be truly expressed. And as I realized this, I regained the memory of how to change my form. That was good. Now T could truly teach Slade a lesson for trying to hurt my friends.  
I walked out of my room, casually, carrying what appeared to be a stack of laundry. This no longer disturbed anyone - though initially Cyborg had passed out. As soon as I was out of sight though, I dropped the few coevering clothes in the laundry room and strapped on the backpack. Opening the window, I leapt out, changing into a large eagle and heading for the city. RAVEN'S POV (Beginning when BB comes home)  
I'm sitting here, watching this pointless party. He seems to be enjoying himself, but I think he senses the falsity as much as I do. Starfire has made a Pudding of Joyous Return for him. It isn't too bad - and Beast Boy is able to judge it without the memory of the Pudding of Sadness. I will never admit it, but I miss the goofy little runt. Though I only laughed at them in the confines of my head, I did enjoy his jokes. I just can't ever show it.  
He has to be shown to his room. Robin leads him, but I follow, hidden in the shadows. I think I am hoping his room will jog his memory. Therefore, it was just plain scary when he started cleaning. Beast boy, cleaning. I glanced out the closest window - No, demon hordes weren't trampling the planet, but the shock factor was nearly the same.  
That first week, he barely left his room. The only times we saw him were mealtimes and when he took a load of laundry down to wash. The first time he did that, Cyborg passed out. He didn't even play video games, though passing by is room, I saw he was organizing his magazines. It wasn't long before I saw other things as I passed his room. Stacks of drawings, and novels. While he was doing laundry one time, I snuck into his room. I know I shouldn't have, especially since I yell at him all the time for trying to get into mine, but I wanted to know more. The first thing I spotted was a piece of bright green paper, laying on the bottom bunk. I picked it up and read:  
Dear... whoever finds this.  
You may not understand, but I am still your friend Beast Boy. Just not the side of him you knew. Slade has been trying to convince me that I worked for him, but I know better than that. I'm using my own brand of talent to teach him a lesson. If I don't come back... Just know that Beast Boy cared about you all very much. And Raven, thank you for letting me borrow those books. I think you sensed what I was somehow.  
Beast Boy  
"No..." I stared numbly at the letter. I hadn't been dreaming, Slade had contacted him. And now Beast By was going to take him on, alone. I couldn't let this happen. BB's POV  
I had my plan all set, and ready. Slade would be here any minute. I was meeting him on top of an office building, near the petrochemical plant. He thought I had found something interesting for him. I had - but he wouldn't like it.  
I was hidden, waiting in the shadows. I saw a lone figure jump onto the building. I waited. The figure came into the light. It was Slade. He waited, imperturbable. I smirked. Soon, he wouldn't be so calm. He walked forward a little. "Morph? What is it that you have for me?"  
"I have for you a deep hatred. You tried to pit me against my friends. And my name is Beast Boy!" Something swooped at Slade, and he kicked at the owl figure - it shattered, the green clay sculpture breaking into pieces. He spun, getting knocked over by another green shape. A huge green T-Rex. He scrambled out of the way, only to be swooped at by another green form - a falcon. He shattered that sculpture, dodging the T-Rex again and was bowled over by a green tiger. Slade's one visible eye widened, and he pressed a button on his suit. A small laser emerged from the back of both arms, and he fired wildly. The wire-framed cardboard T- Rex burned, while the tiger was pitted with holes, the paper mache - still wet - didn't flame. Slade spun around wildly, frantically looking for the real me.  
He didn't even feel me land on him. Quickly, I shifted forms from the small spider to a mighty python, coiling around his neck, and squeezing. His heartbeat slowed, and he went limp after about a minute. I released him - I wasn't out to kill, just to warn. I shifted back into my normal form. "Never try and pit one Titan against the others." I walked to the edge of the building, preparing to turn into a bird and fly away. A red beam of light narrowly missed my head. I spun - Slade was on his feet. He'd obviously faked passing out.  
"You are going to regret challenging me alone, boy." He stepped forward, the laser aimed at my chest. But he was still expecting the Beast Boy that was dumb. Before he could fire, I shifted into a hummingbird and rushed at him. I flitted around his head, buzzing his face - and once he was disoriented, I transformed into a gorilla, and grabbed him in my massive arms. He was clever too, though, and smashed his metal mask against my forehead. I dropped him, reeling in stunned pain. He struck the upper part of my shoulder with the red beam. It burned, and I roared in pain, charging at him. He was much faster, and agile too - he struck me with four powerful hits before I even registered he had moved. I dropped to my gorilla knees, grunting in pain. He launched a kick at me, but I changed into a mouse and scurried out of the way. I hid in the shadows, trying to regain my strength.  
"Where are you, boy?" Slade taunted, thinking he had the upper hand. I wasn't beaten yet though. I charged at him as a tiger, raking my claws across his chest. He recoverd quickly and brutally kicked me in the back of the head. I went skidding across the roof, my upper half hanging over the edge. I got to my feet, only to find the laser less than an inch from my head. "You came here alone, you'll die here alone, and I am going to finish what I began almost three months ago."  
"He's not alone!" A green blast of energy knocked him away from me. I looked over. Starfire.  
"When you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!" Robin said, pulling a staff out of nowhere.  
"You'll finish nothing." Raven said, rising from the other side of the building. Cyborg, riding on a little black circle, added, "But we might finish you."  
Slade snarled, and pressed a different button on his suit. Suddenly, there were robot replicas of him swarming from every direction. I didn't lose track of the real one though, and it appeared he wasn't using this as a distraction to escape. We rushed at each other, my claws meeting his fist. I won, but he jumped up and kicked my jaw, knocking it out of place. I yowled at him and morphed a bull, charging at him and pinning him between my horns and the air vent. One of his andriods blasted a powerful yellow beam into my left back leg, and I went down on that side. Slade easily freed himself, and I shifted back to my natural form. I grabbed my leg, where a deep burn had sliced through my uniform. The man looked down at me, sneering. "And so it ends, just as it should have three months ago." He shot me in my other shoulder and kicked me in the head, knocking me off the side of the building.  
"BEAST BOY!" Raven yelled. I heard her as I fell, saw her trying to get to me. I shook my head. For a brief instant, I saw something in her eyes - fear, recognition, sadness - some combination of all those emotions. She nodded once, and seemed to understand.  
FLASH - A ring toss game at a carnival. Cyborg and I have just won. "Boo-yah!"  
"Sweet!" I take the giant chicken and hand it to Raven. "Toldja we'd win ya a prize."  
She half-glared at me. "A giant chicken. I must be the luckiest girl in the world."  
FLASH - Starfire says, "Taste!" and shoves a spoon into my mouth. My eyes water, and I gag, wiping the substance off my tongue. I ask her, "What is that, cream of toenails?"  
She answers, "Pudding of Sadness. It is what the people of my planet eat when something bad happens." She took a bite then too, and went into all sorts of contortions. The stuff was bad to her, too.  
FLASH - "I was born ready. Time to do what I do best. Try not to be jealous." I got out of the T-sub and changed into a whale. I heard Raven say, "'He just put on 300,000 pounds. I am so jealous."  
Just like that, my memory came back. I shifted to a flea, landing easily. Now wasn't the time to hide my creativity - or intelligence. Everyone expected me to be dead, just like last time. Last time I had survived by being in T-Rex form, shifting back when I lost consciousness. This time I transformed into a spider monkey and nimbly made my way up the side of the building. Slade had Raven backed against the edge. The robots were keeping the other Titans away from the face off. Raven had a burn on each arm, and Slade was obviously winning. "You made the same mistake he did, challenging me alone! And now you'll die, just like your little boyfriend."  
That was too much. I leapt onto Slade's face, biting and scratching, the pain from my own injuries forgotten. No one threatens Raven! He grabbed me by the scruff of my neck, and I changed to a porqupine, my quills stabbing into his hand. Slade dropped me, and stomped on my back, his thick boots protecting his feet. I screamed in pain, and shifted into a skunk, quelling the nausea from my wounds. I was hurt bad, but I didn't care. I dumped a full load into his face, blinding him and forcing him to stumble backward. Things were spinning, a little out of focus... I was certain that some of my ribs were broken, and probably worse things as well, but I didn't care. I concentrated and morphed into a T-Rex. It was ironic, really.  
Slade didn't even see me. I spun, sending him flying with my massive tail. I shifted back into my natural form. Robin, Starfire and Cyborg had just finished with the robots. Raven was the first to my side. My vision was blurry, but I could tell it was her by the voice. "Beast Boy?"  
I tried to answer, but I shivered instead. Suddenly I was cold. "Why is it so cold?" I asked, startled to hear my words were slurred.  
"No! Beast Boy..." It sounded like she was crying.  
"Come on, BB, hold on..." Cyborg said. He was holding back tears too. I understood - it wasn't cold, I was dying. "Raven... In my room.. Under my bed... my journal..." I hoped she understood. My vision was fading. I closed my eyes. "No, Beast Boy, stay with me. We're almost there." Raven said, choking back tears. I hadn't realized we were moving, but I opened my eyes. I could vaguely see that we were in one of her telekinetic bubbles. "The others?" I asked, my voice sounding too raspy to be me.  
"Following in the T-car." She answered, swallowing thickly. I nodded weakly. "Raven... thanks..." I closed my eyes again. The cold was spreading.  
"Beast Boy, no... Don't leave me... I-" I didn't hear the rest.  
There was only blackness.  
  
Now, I'll be posting two endings to this. If you want the dark, tragic ending, proceed directly to the next chapter. If you want a fluffy happy ending, skip chapter three and go to chapter four. 


	3. Tragic Ending

Raven's POV.  
  
It's been a year, and things still haven't really changed that much. Robin still trains every day, Starfire in constantly trying out new food concoctions, Cyborg pays WAY too much attention to his car. I meditate a lot. I have to.  
  
I'm sitting in his room now. It's where I usually mediate, ever since... that day. He never woke up. The doctors said that he should have died when his spine was crushed, especially given the form he was in. He certainly shouldn't have been able to move, much less transform into a T-Rex and save all of us by knocking Slade away.  
  
I had gotten his journal when we were told that he didn't make it. I had to leave then, or I would have destroyed the entire city. Damn emotions and my powers. If it hadn't been for them to begin with, I could have told Beast Boy sooner. I still don't know if he heard me, but I tell him everyday. That's way I meditate in his room. It still feels like him, after all this time. No one has dared suggesting we clear it out. I think they understand.  
  
His journal. The last entry was while he was still amnesiatic. It was his last will and testament. His drawings were distributed between the four of us. They were all dated, and labelled. None of us knew he drew, sculpted... anything. Robin found the shattered fragments of sculptures on the roof. Beast Boy had had a good plan, but Slade was too much to handle alone. I was the one to find his books, but I haven't moved them. The only thing taken from his room had been the drawings.  
  
Yes, I read his journal, and saw I side of him I'd always thought was there. The part of him that I saw at rare moments - the serious side. The side he tried to hide from us - to give us the much needed comic relief guy. The others have gone to his grave, leaving me alone to meditate. Starfire asked me if I wanted to go with them. She knew the answer before she asked, but I appreciated the gesture anyway.  
  
I would go tonight. And probably cry. It will be safer if no one is there with me. I miss him so much.  
  
His grave is set well away from the others in the cemetary. The other titans have left flowers, and Cyborg has left a bowl of tofu. I read the epitaph for the second time in my life. I haven't been here since the funeral. This grave isn't him. I knelt down beside the tombstone, silent for a few minutes. Then it all came pouring forth, all the thoughts erupting from my mouth. "Beast Boy, I'm sorry. I wish that it had been me and not you. I should have told you how I felt long before then, instead of waiting until it was too late. We haven't changed your room any, except to take out the drawings and divide them among us. I meditate there everyday, because I feel close to you there. I love you." Tears slid down my face, and my powers formed a whirling black tornado, not having anything close by to vent on.  
  
I could almost swear he was here now, but that simply can't be. I have to get control of myself, or I'll end up as delusional and alone as I was in the future that Starfire saw. I suck in a breath, slowly, shakily. The tornado of black slows, then fades. My powers are spent for the moment, and I can cry freely. I still feel him faintly, but I suspect I will always be haunted by his feeling.  
  
I stand, watching, as I have been since the blackness engulfed me. I can't live, but I refused to die and leave my friends - refused to leave Raven. I am a spirit now, watching over her, though there is little I can do to interfere in the physical world. I protect her now as I tried to in life.  
  
Life. Something that you take for granted until it has been torn from you. As a specter, a mere shade of myself, I can't even begin to do what I could do in life. You never realize what a joy, an honor it is to touch things. To touch people. I wish that I could reach out and comfort Raven now, when she needs me most, but I can't. Do you know what effect the touch of the dead has on the living? It tears them up from the inside out - drives them completely insane. I know this from personal experience - the first thing I did after becoming what I am now was to hunt down Slade. I intended to kill him - but I couldn't physically hurt him. That's alright, my revenge was better the way it turned out. Robin was certainly surprised when he found Slade covered in his own drool, rocking back and forth in the corner of his latest hideout, muttering incessantly about "Green shattered shapes." He never should have taken me away from Raven. I made him pay. I shake my head, quickly, clearing my thoughts of revenge. That was a year ago, and I let it drop. I would sigh, but I can't. I can't even breathe. Funny how breathing becomes something you miss when you can't do it anymore. Much like touch.  
  
My gaze travels back to Raven. She is still crying, mourning for me. Her whirlwind of darkness disperses - her powers have been spent for now. Tears fall on my grave, near the flowers and tofu that have been left for me. I know she can feel my presence, no matter how faintly. She senses me when she meditates, but doesn't realize that it is because I'm still with her. I will watch over her like this, my own emotions paining me, until she passes on as well. Only then can I be at peace. If I could, I would laugh, but it would be a bitter laugh. What a fate.  
  
Sometimes I wish my memories had faded with my life. Memories. The thing that caused all this to happen, and are the only things that are still distinctly mine. The gods of irony have always governed my life, and now they reign my death as well.  
  
My name was Beast Boy. Remember me. 


	4. Happy Ending

I groaned and opened my eyes very slightly, looking around, trying to figure out where I was. It was dark, but I could vaguely make out three faces pressed against the glass window on the door of my room. I realized I was in the hospital again, but I was alive. Alive. What a great word. There was a face missing though, and I kept looking. Raven was sitting next to me, holding my hand. Tears were running down her face, and she looked as though she hadn't slept in a couple of days. I opened my eyes all the way. "Raven?"  
  
She gasped and wiped the tears from her face, actually smiling. The other chair in the room twisted into a pretzel shape. I laughed, then groaned. "That hurt..."  
  
"Idiot." She quickly resumed her normal monotone, glancing at the chair. "You broke most of your ribs, and Slade nearly crushed your spine."  
  
"No wonder I hurt. So, how long was I useless this time?"  
  
"Aren't you always useless?"  
  
It took a minute, then my jaw dropped. "Raven? Did you just make a joke?"  
  
"Seems that way, doesn't it?"  
  
"Did you hit your head?" I couldn't help it, I grinned. Cyborg came busting into the room then. "Hey, he's awake!"  
  
"And you are...?" I hid my smile before tinman could see it. Raven squeezed my hand harshly. His face dropped. I continued, "Oh right, the guy who's high score I'm going to beat when I get out of here!"  
  
I think he would have hit me if he wasn't so happy. "BB! You're okay!"  
  
"Well, I'm alive." I gestured to the IVs and monitors hooked to me. "I don't think this counts as okay..."  
  
"Friend! You are returned to us!"  
  
"Hey Starfire." It would be too mean to play the same joke on her. Besides, she might make me eat another pudding. Or call me a Klorbag.  
  
"You didn't lose your memory either." Robin said, following Star into the room. I nodded. "So, how long did it take for me to wake up this time?"  
  
"It's the same day." Robin answered.  
  
I blinked. "What? It took me a month last time..." I noticed Raven swallow and look away.  
  
"We're not sure what happened either. It just seems that you weren't hurt as bad as we thought." Cyborg told me.  
  
Starfire must have noticed Raven's reaction, because she grabbed Robin and Cyborg. "Come friends, let us see if there is food that Beast Boy can eat!" She jerked them out of the room before either could protest.  
  
"You helped me out somehow, didn't you?" I asked bluntly. Raven nodded. "After you lost consciousness, I poured my power into you, healing and fixing what I could."  
  
"Thanks." I thought back to just before I passed out. "Raven? What were you going to tell me?"  
  
She blushed, obviously surprised I remembered. "That I... um... I'minlovewithyou."  
  
Nothing blew up with her admission. I started to answer, but she cut me off by leaning over and kissing me. Wow. That's the only thing I can say to that. Wow.  
  
RAVEN'S POV  
  
It's been a year, and things still haven't really changed that much. Robin still trains every day, Starfire in constantly trying out new food concoctions, Cyborg pays WAY too much attention to his car. I meditate a lot. I have to. Otherwise I would kill Beast Boy - he still acts like a little kid sometimes.  
  
He, Robin and Cyborg constantly argue about video games... But sometimes he sits and reads with me. He quit hiding how smart and creative he is - we all know better now. In fact, we have a statue of Slade set up in the training room. Beast Boy made it from clay and wire - he's really good with his hands.  
  
Robin and Star have finally annouced they have a relationship - I think even Beast Boy without his memory could have seen that coming. Cyborg is the only one of us not in a relationship... But I would swear he was dating the T-Car, as much attention as he pays to it.  
  
"Raven? You in there? Come on, Cinderblock's on the move!"  
  
I'm glad things turned out the way they did. With that thought, part of the couch explodes, but no one is there to notice. 


	5. Author's Notes

Just few things to tie everything together.  
  
First, the Terra from this universe was kidnapped by Kat (from my HP fanfic) and beaten, then fed to Artemis. All before she ever met the Titans.  
  
Second, Beast Boy - even though he technically didn't have amnesia - did not remember because memories would have meant he would have tried to repress the only side of him that was available to control his body. It is a documented medical occurence.  
  
Third, I obviously don't own Teen Titans, because if I did, Terra would never have made an appearence.  
  
Fourth, thanks to all my reviewers, you guys rock! This was my first TT fanfic, so I'm glad you liked it. And if you give me some ideas, I just might write another.  
  
Lastly, read and review my other stuff! PLEASE! 


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